What Tae Kwon Do Means to me…
a reflection by Kate James
Testing December 3rd, 2010
It is the beginning of the Advent Season. In my faith, this is a time one is asked to reflect on their past, present and ponder their future. No more perfect time to share my personal story as a student of Tae Kwon Do and its significance to me at this moment along my way.
In collecting my thoughts over the past several weeks, I have been wondering. How many journeys began similarly to mine?
Busy, well-intention mom seeks positive, physical activity for offspring
Enter: Tiny Tigers
It’s ironic, the mother of Riley’s kindergarten classmate referred us to both Martial Arts America and to the parochial school my kids attend. They did this just before they discovered they would be relocating to Dubuque. The moved before school even started… I find it not by accident, that our paths crossed. They unknowingly served as shepherd toward two of the pillars strengthening our family today. What a gift.
As the story goes, Riley broke a board at class during our first visit to MAA in his street clothes, no less. Hook, line, and sinker. The board break was our next encounter… quite something to behold for the wide-eyed novice. It was there on that chilly March morning, in Merle Hay Mall, my journey really began.
I was a quite observer those next several weeks, one eye on Riley, the other on Reagan (then three) who was kicking and punching on the sidelines. I would overhear some of the colored and black-belt women chat… and I remember in vivid color spying a grapefruit size bruise, a leg brace, and scabby knuckles among them as I listened to them recant their prior test. “When are you signing up?” they would ask. Yikes! I thought… yet …, there was something intriguing in their confident eyes.
Today, on the verge of my 40th birthday, I will stand before you with a brown belt taped full and a few gently worn knuckles myself. I could not have imagined it that day in Merle Hay Mall. I was not seeking a new experience; I was not looking for a way to fill my time. After all, I was a busy, well-intentioned mom – no time for self. That day, I could not have envisioned the unexpected blessing which was about to mesh so beautifully into my life.
A friend of mine repeated one of her favorite sayings to me just the other day. I wish I could credit the author.
“When the Student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
When the student is ready…
I think of this often and from many perspectives… From one side I think it means one cannot be taught unless and until they are receptive… To each his own epiphany and passion… This is a bitter pill for me, but timely and an important lesson nonetheless.
From the other side I think of it as, “Have faith!” When you are ready for enlightenment, no matter its form… you will have a guide. It will all work out. Look around you.
In the context of my journey here, I, the student, must have been ready because the teachers were bountiful! I am afraid to mention or attribute to anyone by name the lessons and skills I have learned for fear of omitting anyone. That said I cannot express adequately my gratitude and respect to the instructors, teachers, and contemporaries who have spent time with me, guiding me, encouraging me. And if you are reading this I suspect you are among them directly or indirectly.
I do find it interesting how many times and from how many seniors I have heard “When I was taught this form…” or “When I was shown this technique…” We are all students…
I think this is very telling about our MAA community. I have heard more than one senior say “We were all white belts once!” However, when I wore white, it was definitely hard to picture the most senior as a student… but now, wearing brown, I have witnessed and observed my seniors as students and show much reverence for the ones who empowered and guided them yesterday and today. I am a believer in paying it forward however you can with whatever gifts you have been granted. I cannot think of a better example of this embodied in the hearts of those standing in line ahead of me. I believe this attitude inspires service. It has inspired that in me and I’m humbled to have had the opportunity to serve as well.
It makes me laugh to think of the ways I remember some of my forms, one-steps, etc. Some have given me a visual, a rhyme, a pneumonic or a comment that struck me funny. There have been so many contributions to my knowledge and skill pool at this point… I think of it as a colorful quilt or collage. Each piece is unique; each piece is personal. They are bundled together to comprise 16 forms, 12 basic movements, 42 one steps, 12 self-defense techniques, several breaks and much, much more.
I so enjoy standing in the second or third row… watching the person in front of me. I pick one or two to use as a model. I see them striking faster, kicking higher, yelling louder. It is truly motivating for me and raises my expectations for myself. This also imposes upon me a sense of accountability. Perhaps someone has chosen me to watch...?? I am accountable to the juniors in the succeeding rows. I find this just as motivating – a full circle.
In fact, it is not only the seniors to whom I am grateful. It is the presence of those junior to me who have provided the forum for me to test my own knowledge, confirm what I thought I knew – but didn’t, and try again with confidence. I have heard this said many times as well and it rings true, to learn it for your self is an accomplishment indeed, but to teach another requires a deeper and more detailed understanding.
Hopefully in the forgoing, I was able to convey… gratitude, humility, respect, motivational force are certainly all words I would use to describe what tae kwon do means to me today.
Another important feeling to me is that of affirmation – of my own values. I’m proud to say that I helped Riley and Reagan learn those tenants as a Tiny Tigers… and that I could spout them off the first day I wore white if asked! Actually, it was not really that great of an accomplishment to be honest. Fortunately, I had learned all of them before. They may have gone by different names, or have been taught in a difference circumstances, but they were already part of me. I find it comforting that these tenants resonate with my daily life. Just a few examples of many…
~ A month ago the Scripture reading at mass contained the word “perseverance.”
~ As I complete my continuing education requirements for my CPA license this year I see I need two hours of ethics – “Integrity in the Accounting Profession” is an option. ( sad we need a class for this…)
~ At school the buzz words for the kids are Be Responsible, Respectful and Safe… (Courteous, self-control…)
~ My husband was a collegiate wrestler – so I have experienced indomitable spirit for the last 15+ years – he has it in spades and it can be truly infectious
I am compelled by both this articulation of what makes good character and the display of it – which I have seen along my journey in tae kwon do. It is closely aligned with my own beliefs. It seems likeminded people gravitate toward one another. I sense this in the training hall, at tournament, see it in a bow, eye contact, expressions. It is irrelevant your profession, your address, your age, gender, even physicality. It is the character of the individual that counts and that is demanded. I am proud to share this philosophy.
Another concept I am drawn to that has had significance these past years are those of Palgwe and the balanced circle on the Korean Flag. I find it extremely hard to balance at times. In the past I have really pushed my capacity and my sanity along with it. My thoughts on this have certainly evolved… but nowadays, I think of Palgwe and I think of competing but complimenting forces and the image of the blue and the red pieces in a ring. I think of my time and my energy as finite or with constraints. I used to think of it as unlimited and boundless… but I have come to realize if one area of my life is taking over, the other areas will suffer. I can’t be everywhere, do everything, please everyone. There is balance to be achieved. And it is a choice. Things will not balance themselves. I do need sleep, and I do need me time. This has been very grounding and has help me to avoid viewing things as black and white, four corners, etc. (my default). There is give and take. I have gained peace from this perspective – but a work in progress to be sure.
I would be remiss to leave out the physical benefits over the past thirty+ months… I have definitely gained more strength, more efficient heart and lungs, flexibility, balance, focus, patience, and am absolutely more aware of my surroundings. This certainly has enriched my own self impression, which trickles to a happy wife, a happy mom, a happy family, better school day, work day, trickle, trickle, trickle…
Aside from those obvious tangible benefits, I have noticed in myself an appreciation of beauty in unexpected places. I see beauty in a low, slow bow. I hear beauty when all the snaps and keops are together during a form. I see beauty in the edges of a frayed black belt hanging on a hook. It’s in the blue and red and if I focus hard enough (or stand-up too fast) there is a spot of purple where they meet. There is beauty in a broken board and the expression of the breaker. There is beauty in a flag, an anthem and the emotions they evoke. In a side kick -flying above a dozen or so small to medium sized children, and in broken bricks, drops of sweat… I have even begun to see beauty in my own pinkish knuckles and vividly colored bruises which appear from time to time. What a shame it would have been for me to pass by these things without a glance. What a blessing the journey has been.
That is all for this stop on the journey. I am still a mom seeking positive physical activities for my kids. But, having found one for myself - I’m stronger, more patient, more grateful, and so very excited about the path ahead.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you for all you do. You are appreciated.
With Best and Kindest Regards,
Kate James
